I have been thinking a lot lately about the difference between wanting to change and becoming someone new. It turns out that gap is not really about willpower at all, it is more about how connected you feel to the person you are trying to become.
The research behind your future self.
In 2009, researchers Hal Ersner-Hershfield, G. Elliott Wimmer, and Brian Knutson used brain imaging to study what happens when people think about their present self, as compared to their future self. They found that the brain region typically involved in thinking about ourselves, the rostral anterior cingulate cortex, activated differently depending on which self a person was picturing. For many participants, the pattern that showed up while imagining their future self looked closer to the pattern that shows up when we think about a completely different person, rather than the pattern that shows up when we think about ourselves right now. The more that gap appeared in someone’s brain activity, the more they tended to discount the value of rewards that were still far off in time, choosing a smaller reward today over a larger one later.
In plain terms, many of us do not fully register our future self as us, and when your brain treats that future person as closer to a stranger than to yourself, showing up for them, through sleep, through movement, through all the small daily choices, can start to feel optional.
Source: Ersner-Hershfield, H., Wimmer, G.E., & Knutson, B. (2009). Saving for the future self: Neural measures of future self-continuity predict temporal discounting. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 4(1), 85-92. Full study: http://stanford.edu/group/spanlab/Publications/he08scan.pdf
That finding has stayed with me because it reframes the whole idea of discipline. If your future self genuinely feels like a stranger to you, ignoring their needs does not feel like self-sabotage. It just feels like nothing, the same way it is easy to overlook the needs of someone you have never met. But when that future self feels real and close, showing up for them starts to feel less like sacrifice and more like care.
Why values matter more than willpower.
This is also where values come in, and it connects directly to something I wrote about recently on trusting the unfolding of your own life (you can follow me here and read that post).
Vision without values can turn into pressure, a future self you are chasing out of fear rather than genuine desire. But when your vision is rooted in your values, the small choices no one is watching, the workout you almost skip, the meal you almost rush through, start to carry a different kind of weight. They stop being about discipline and start being about integrity, about becoming who you already said you wanted to be.
Your experiment. Your data. Your call.
I do not want this newsletter to just be ideas without action, so here is one small thing to try before the next issue. Take five quiet minutes and picture yourself one year from now, having followed through on the health habits you keep meaning to build. Do not necessarily focus on the outcome, the number on a scale or a specific achievement. Focus on how that version of you feels waking up in the morning, moving through their day, making decisions.
Then ask yourself one honest question:
What is one small choice today that future self would thank you for?
Resource corner: Be Your Future Self Now, by Benjamin Hardy.
If this topic resonates, I will genuinely recommend picking up “Be Your Future Self Now” by Dr. Benjamin Hardy. He builds on exactly this kind of research and makes a compelling case that identity change, not willpower, is what drives lasting change. You do not white knuckle your way into a new habit. You become someone for whom that habit is simply an expression of who they are.
What is coming next.
This is exactly the kind of work we uncover together during the Foundation session in health coaching, your vision, your character strengths, and your core values, all mapped out before we talk about a single habit or goal. It might sound like a lot of reflection before any action, but that order matters more than it seems.
Goals that are not anchored to a clear vision and real values tend to run on willpower alone, and willpower is a limited resource that quietly runs out the moment life gets stressful or busy, which is usually exactly when you need it most. When you know your vision, your strengths, and your values first, your goals stop being isolated tasks you are forcing yourself through and start becoming natural extensions of who you already are and who you are becoming. That is the actual difference between a goal you abandon by February and a change that genuinely sticks.
I am building toward opening coaching this September, and the waitlist interest form is open for anyone who wants to be first in line. If you have been thinking about it but have not filled it out yet, consider this your gentle nudge, I will follow up with all the details once I have everything finalized.
Before you go.
You are allowed to want a future that looks different from your present, and you are allowed to take it seriously enough to plan for it. That is not naïve, it is one of the most grounded things you can do.
More soon, Oksi
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, and nothing in this newsletter is medical advice or a diagnosis. This content is shared for educational purposes only, based on my own experience and ongoing training in functional medicine health coaching. Please consult your own healthcare provider before making changes to your care.